I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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