his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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