Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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