11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The ass gains better be worth it
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