My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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