I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
