i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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