Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
