Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize