Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
