U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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