The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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