I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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