I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
