oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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