I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize