This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize