Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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