rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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