I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
