I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My brain says no but my pants say off.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
