I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
