You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
