Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
