2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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