my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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