That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
