i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Welp...herpes.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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