remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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