The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
