Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
