question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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