dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
