When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
