he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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