I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize