why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
