I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
