how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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