He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
