i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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