I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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