i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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