Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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