The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
