I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
