I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
