I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
