Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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