Your mouth is God's brothel.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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