You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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