turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
