did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize