Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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