Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
