There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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