We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
