last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
