We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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