i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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