Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
