is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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