That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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