September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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