i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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