I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
this is an emotional support booty call
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
