Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
