Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
