Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
