babies were throwing up all over the place
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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