My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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