it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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