Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
