can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
