I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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