so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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