Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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