Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize